In the park next door, where all the local kids hang out, there's a tree that hangs
down over our house. I've never been too worried, but my wife has a hang-up about
it. She won't shut up, and sometimes that constant nagging gets too hard to shut
out. So one morning I found I had to set out, and set up all my stuff to set this
thing right. I set the saw down on the verandah and set the axe against the wall,
and thought I had all the tools I needed set out. I was soon set right because
I'd left the chain-saw set to "SAFE" and it had soon set its way through all its fuel before
I set it back.
Well, to cut a tall tale short so you don't get too cut up with my rambling, I chopped
down the tree, and then decided to chop it up for firewood, which I burnt up in
the fire - or at least, until the fire burnt down. I wanted to throw the coals
in the garbage but my wife made me throw it in the trailer so I could throw it out at
the tip. But I found I couldn't fit it in because the car had just been fitted out
with a new LPG tank. Still I was able to sort that problem out - I just sorted the
lumps in to sizes and sort of squeezed the stuff down until I could squeeze it all in.
I started up the car and started down the road, but I found that I quickly had to
slow down (or did I slow up?) because I saw my brother-in-law, the brotherly out-law.
He told me he was just going out, and was going in to the city to do a hold-up.
He asked me to hold on a moment, so that he could put on his roller-skates - you see,
he likes to hold on to the back of my Holden and skate down the street.
But I didn't let him. He's a maniac. I'll let you in to a secret... they were never
supposed to let him out of the Institute. The judge had let him off lightly because
his lawyer wouldn't let up.
He was furious. He screamed down the street at me as I screamed off and raced up
after me as I raced away. I guessed he must have hitched his way out towards the
tip, because he caught up with me as I was just unhitching the trailer back off
which had got caught on to the tow-bar. I hadn't noticed for a while because I had been so
caught up.
HE HAD A GUN! I was nearly caught out! I just caught it in the corner of my eye,
and I only just had time to get out of the way before I would have caught it and
really got it. But there was a policewoman nearby who had just got there. And so
a shoot-up started as she tried to shoot him down, but Shoot! She couldn't shoot for anything!
So he shot her up before he shot down the street in the police car. But he had learn
to drive out at the local drive-in, and so couldn't drive around very well. In
fact, he shot out into traffic and nearly caused a smash-up of people who tried
to smash him out of the way. Smashing fun!
He looped around the block (what do you expect out of a loopy blockhead?) which is
not the sort of thing that drivers expect in the suburbs because he blocked the loop
as he did so. This blocked the traffic out, but blocked him in because a block-up
quickly developed a block down.
This was his undoing. A whole lot of gangsters came out of one of the doors determined
to do him in for all he'd done - doing them out of work; forcing one of the gay
gansters to come out; out-ing some of the stuff they'd done. They'd put up with
a lot, but now they were really put out, and they were going to make sure he was done
up properly.
This was done. The held up their guns, and gunned him down.
The moral of this story is that you should put up, or shut up.